Getting Back

Doing hard things, stretching myself a little doesn't generally scare me.

Getting some semblance of "normal" back around here has been a little daunting for me though.

I am coming off a period of having done something, while for "right" reasons, just didn't fit our lifestyle or the goals that we had for our family. In the end, what was taken on in an effort to improve our life actually became a hindrance to it.

The really hard admission, though, is that I allowed this to consume me. The perfectionist in me was unleashed--even demanded. And knowing full well that I couldn't deliver perfection, I tried. And in trying, I began to lose sight of what was truly important.

In the end, it became evident that this thing was going to have to go. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do, it was hard to actively take steps to let it go. It provided a sense of security, though small, in a very insecure area of life.

I let it go and have been going through what feels like a sort of personal detox since. I have had to get back in some sort of normal patterns of everything from sleep to study to recreation. It hasn't been easy but at least I can feel the fog lifting.

At the very lowest point, before the decision was made, I happened to see this flower blooming just outside our garage door. I hadn't planted anything there--and don't know exactly what kind of flower it is.

Seeing it bloom helped lift my spirits a bit. Every day there was a little more to see. A flower a little more open; a new bloom.

And when our well meaning neighbor accidentally whacked it down while trimming the crepe myrtle, I enjoyed its fragrance in the house for a while. Even that helped.

Even though this time has been difficult, I wouldn't trade it. (I find that to be true of most difficult things!) I wish I had done it better. Perhaps in the future, I will be able to do it better. But I learned much. I'm still seeing lessons that God is teaching me.

"Normal" isn't feeling quite so strange anymore.
And this picture? Well, this is for Nana and Papa. Gracen is hugely excited that she has been able to do a handstand (almost) in the pool!