Focus

The last month to 6 weeks have been pretty tough. I got a new leg (a very pretty one, I might add--will have to post a picture) and since getting it, I have been out of it more than I have been in it.

Perhaps it is a mechanical issue (trips to the leg guy for adjustments haven't helped so far) or perhaps my skin is in rebellion. Either way, right now being in my leg is a lesson in pain and being out of my leg is a lesson in patience. Neither of these are lessons I like.

Fall has traditionally been the time of year that I felt most alive. The air is cooler and crisper and less humidity means getting out more. Gracen and I enjoy getting out with dogs and the camera a lot during the fall.

Problem is this fall it hasn't happened much. Mostly I have been doing what is absolutely necessary with a little fun thrown in to keep the guilt monster at bay during the time that I am in the leg.

Church has also been a hit or miss (mostly miss) thing. Going anywhere isn't easy on crutches and crowds, stairs, or rainy weather all make it that much more difficult. I miss my church family, the fellowship, and, most of all, communion. (Fortunately, the sermons are on the website!)

So, poor pitiful me, right? Not exactly.

Lately, I have been thinking back to last fall. It seemed that we were going and, honestly, not so much going as just spinning that our days were filled with busyness. Nothing truly constructive was getting done. My prayer for this fall was that our days would be more focused, more productive (especially with regard to school but in other areas as well).

By necessity, our days have been more focused. School--and our attitudes toward it and toward each other--are much improved. It seems that my prayer for a more focused, more productive school year and better attitudes from teacher and student alike has been answered.

My problem has been that my prayer wasn't answered in the way I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be answered easily. I guess I wanted a spiritual magic wand to be waved and my prayer answered with no inconvenience on my part.

I never thought that I would be cooped up during the time of year I look forward to most. I never thought that my new camera would not snap a single. picture. of the leaves (yet--still hopeful!). I never thought that I would have a brand new, very expensive leg that I haven't been able to wear much. I never thought about being emotionally down during a beautiful season.

But, I also never thought that the joy of teaching (and planning lessons) would come back. I never thought about having more quiet moments to read, pray, or maybe, most importantly, just listen. I didn't think about the opportunities to really focus on Gracen--helping her navigate her changing, growing up too fast world. (Friendships are an interesting creature when you are a 10 year old girl!)

This hasn't been the easiest time by any stretch--and I'm ready to see more "legged" than "crutched" days but I also can't deny the fact that some of the changes have been extremely beneficial and very needed.

"Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear;
rather look to them with full hope that, as they arise, God whose you are,
will deliver you out of them. He has kept you hitherto--do you but hold
fast to His dear hand, and He will lead you safely through all things;
and when you can not stand, He will bear you in His arms...The same
everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day.
Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace then and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations."
Francis de Sales