Hitting The Wall

Apparently among runners there is a phenomenon that happens called "hitting the wall". Their legs may feel like lead, thought processes become fuzzy, and self doubt creeps in.
Basically, hitting the wall is about running out of energy. Some studies show that the brain, as well as the muscles, also becomes fatigued.

Alrighty then, sure that happens to runners. I am NOT a runner, never have been and, although technology has given artificial limbs that are capable of running, I will probably never be a runner.

I have, however, hit the wall.

Late last week, I began to notice that things just weren't firing right in my head. By the weekend, I honestly wasn't sure I could function. A physical tiredness that I haven't known in a long time settled in for what felt like a very long, uninvited stay.

Being still isn't a strong suit of mine. While there are times when I am physically still, my mind is always going about something. Sometimes this is a great thing--I can usually juggle many balls and get much taken care of.

When the balls come down, it just ain't pretty.

Everything that I had neatly tucked in the back of my mind "to think about later" came crashing in--job/financial anxieties, health issues, family relationships that seem to have no resolution, guilt over not being closer to my family and able to help my parents more. Even my home which is, even with all its flaws, usually an oasis became a glaring reminder of all the things I haven't gotten to yet.

I would love to say that I sat down, read my Bible, prayed, and woke up the next morning feeling better.

I can't. I did pray, well, I wrote and I think God listened but, you know, when you are in a such a place, you aren't really sure.

I played video games, both with Gracen and, umm, all by myself and it felt good to hit and shoot things! (Yeah for Super Mario and Duck Shooting for the Wii!) I threw the ball for Biscuit a lot.

In addition to proper training and diet, one article I read recommended that the runner focus on things associated with the race--running at their own pace, breathing, etc. Another article recommended focusing on things not associated with the race.

I was left incredibly thankful that things are better now. There is a bit of space between me and the wall. But I was also thankful that I am not the one in control of the things or of the wall.

This has no neat, tidy ending (and I am very, extremely, almost obsessively fond of neat, tidy endings). It is an ongoing thing. Some of the things that concern me will never be resolved. Some things will never change.

Hopefully, something or someone will always remind me to be thankful--in all things.