Parenting Almost Teens--It Ain't For the Weak Hearted

True confession time: over the past 4-6 months I have simultaneously been so very thankful for this gift of being a parent and wondering if God intends for both me and my 12 year old to come through this age all in one piece.

I know, because once a long time ago I was a 12 year old girl, that being 12 is tough. I know that things in her heart, body, and mind are changing almost at the speed of light. I know that emotions can be so very important. I know that the desire to be heard and feel important is huge. I know that she wants to be the center of attention yet also wants to hide in a hole somewhere. She wants to be with her friends yet sometimes she doesn't know to relate to them.

I know how she feels. Some of the things that she is fighting against are still battles of mine.

Trouble is, I don't know so much how to parent through this. Reason and logical thinking are not exactly "bff's" of the 12 year old girl. My job as her parent is to show faults in her thinking, to parent against the self centered flow of our society.

Everything is her world is telling her that she is entitled to her feelings, entitled to voice them, and everyone else is obliged to listen to them. She's told that responsibility is only hers if she was directly involved--and that she can wiggle out of it if she talks enough. She's told that her emotions, all of them, are worthy, she can trust them, and can make decisions based upon them.

And then there's us, her parents. We're telling her the exact opposite. Yes, you have feelings and there are appropriate times and ways in which to express them. Sometimes you don't get to share your feelings--and many times they may not be validated in the way in which you think they should be. Responsibility is sometimes yours because you are the leader in a group. Sometimes you take responsibility for things that you may not have personally done but you were part of the group.

And the biggie--you can't trust your emotions. Your emotions change. Decisions must be based on truth. Truth is not relative nor does it change. Emotions are fickle things.

Honestly, it feels like mixing oil and water sometime. It's tough. There are days when she's mad for much longer than she's not. I don't like it. But, it's what I'm called to. I'm the adult, the parent. A job not for the faint of heart.

But every once in a while, there's a glimmer of what will be. There will be a time when her thought processes are mature, when logical thinking is second nature, and when Truth is firmly planted--and cheerfully embraced.

Until that becomes the norm, I hope that she knows I'm here and I love her.

I'll keep telling her even when I'm almost positive she isn't listening. And I'll keep praying for both of us.