Parenting has been on my mind and my heart lately.
You see, I was a very foolish person. I (wrongly) assumed that my common sense approach to parenting that has worked fairly well with my child would continue.
Silly, silly me.
We have now entered—actually been there for a bit—the world of pre-teen and, while Gracen isn't having what I would call “typical” pre-teen angst, whatever she's going through certainly doesn't respond to common sense.
So, we mosey through trying to figure out exactly who we are and why we are here!
Actually, I know who—I am the parent and must remain so when there are times that everything in me wants to run screaming from the room. She needs me, whether she knows it or cares to admit it. And she needs me to be her parent.
She is the child, still, even though she's morphing day by day into a young lady. She needs to learn how to navigate this new-to-her world with grace.
We are here because this time, this place, these particular seemingly angst filled, hormone fueled days are exactly where God placed us. These days, like any other, will show us some part of Himself.
The biggest problem I face?
The ghosts of the past—and some of the present. (I'm just one short of Scrooge though if I think about it long enough, the future ghosts show up too.)
I'm a good rule follower. Always have been. My parents would lay down the law and I knew better than to break it. I did break it sometimes, holding my breath that they wouldn't find out but they always did.
My tendency is to be a law layer-downer. You follow the rules and do it cheerfully or at the very least respectfully.
Problem is, while obedience is necessary (and there are, without a doubt, times when the rule just. simply. has to be followed), I'm not sure I'm getting through to her heart when I just require obedience to the law.
Obedience is non-negotiable and there are consequences for disobedience. But, more than anything, I want to get her heart. My desire is for her to want to obey from a heart that is soft and understanding.
I can't change her heart though. I can show her her own disobedience. I can teach. I can guide. I can love. I can disciple and punish when necessary. But, change—that isn't mine. And that's where my frustration really lies, I suppose.
I pray for her obedience and my own. I pray for her will and my own to be softened. I pray that her heart and my own will be molded. I pray that her tongue and my own will be gentle. I pray for godly friends for her and am thankful for mine. I pray for the influence of godly older women in her life. Honestly, I pray for an older, wiser woman to come alongside me in this season that has shattered any confidence I had in my parenting skills! I pray, too, that I will remember this season and be willing to listen and share any tidbits of wisdom I may have gleaned with someone coming behind me.
Thankfully, there are glimmers of heart change. There are reminders that this is, in fact, just a season. (Thank goodness!) And there are even still freely given hugs, just not as often.
Once again I stand amazed and thankful.
7 comments:
I am sure there are lots of other parents out there that can relate to what you are going through, with any child at pretty much any age. Parenting is a journey and it isn't any easy one. But you sound like you are open and willing to hear and learn from others as you go through this journey...we never get too old to learn! I am "over 60" and I am still learning! My little piece of advice is to tell her and show her love everyday and listen when she wants to talk (even if you think you are too busy)! From what few times I have been around Gracen, you must be doing something right so far! :-)
Dana, wonderfully written! You are doing a great job with Gracen! She's a doll. I can so relate to what you said about confidence in your parenting skills. Marc will be 10 in august and things are moving so fast....I'm not ready for these pre-teen "issues"!!!!!
I want to comment, but can't seem to figure out the right words. I fear what you are talking about and I see it on the horizon for our family. There are days when I look at Lyndal and think, "what have you done with the girl that I've known for the past ten years?". I fear it getting worse. I know God is good in all things and will not give us more than we can handle. I must confess, though, although I know the point in raising children is to indeed raise them - I would keep them young in my house forever if I could. I honestly don't want them to grow up and move on. These thoughts have been on the forefront of my mind these days.
Thank you! - from one coming behind you ;)
I hear you, sister!
Praying with/for you as I hope you are praying with/for us for these same things, Dana.
You are not alone in your struggles. I'm walking the same exact path and trying to balance obedience to the law with a heart that wants to do the right thing. It's TOUGH stuff. Hang in there. My prayers are very similar to yours...
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