Sometimes You Get What You Ask For

Over the weekend, we did one of my favorite things. It is a very simple, little thing in the grand scheme of life but isn't that the way with many of the best things?

We watched a show on the National Geographic channel. There is nothing that my animal loving kid likes better than a good animal show—and this one had the added bonus of being a mystery.

The Beast Hunter (new to me) was on the trail of Cappy, a Loch Ness monster type of sea creature, that many locals claim to have seen. The Beast Hunter is a scientist so he wanted to see it before he believed it. He talked to the eye witnesses who all had very similar stories, he went through the possibilities of what this could be, he examined local folk lore. All in all, his investigation was quite thorough.

My girl, with her wealth of 12 year old knowledge and brief stint of investigating the Loch Ness monster, claims that she too isn't going to believe something that she can't see. “What about God?”, we asked her.

I began to pray that God would show Himself to her in a real way. I know that she knows that God is real in her head. I know that she understands that the very creation she so dearly loves is evidence of His presence and power. She knows catechism questions, Bible verses, and Bible stories. She even takes better notes during the sermons than I do. And all of this is exactly the foundation that we want for her, that we prayed for.

My prayer was that, in some way, God would show Himself to her in such an unmistakable way that she would have a physical memory to put on the foundation. She seemed to need this.

On our drive home from school yesterday afternoon, we had a near miss wreck. A tires squalling, horn blowing, swerving with reflexes quicker than I thought I still had kind of near miss. The car was turning into me—it was on me—I had an up close and personal kind of view. There was absolutely no logical reason that we weren't dealing with major damage.

I sincerely thanked God for the fact that it was, indeed, a near miss. I did some deep breathing for the next bit of the drive and Gracen and I both tried to stop shaking. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I was supposed to connect the dots. I wasn't sure what this feeling was but it was a definite impressing-upon in my mind.

Finally, it clicked. I had been praying for God to show Himself to Gracen in a real way. What had just happened was a very real way.

We talked about God being there. We talked about the fact that the car was literally on us—she saw that and had braced for impact. We talked about there being no logical explanation for the car not hitting us.

I explained that God protects us from things that we see and from things that we don't see. He is always active and present in our lives and sometimes we get the privilege of seeing it.

I pray she got it. I hope and pray that she has stones of remembrance set in her mind and visits them each time we pass that particular spot.

But, you know, it wasn't just for her. Sometimes it does the adults, the teachers, the parents good too.

(And, by the way, the Beast Hunter decided that even though he couldn't see Cappy or prove its existence in any way, he believed in Cappy. There was simply too much in the depths of the oceans that humans haven't been—and may never be—able to see.)

For Thought

I just finished reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts.

If you haven't had the opportunity to check out that book, please do. I will say that her writing style may not be for everyone but there is much in the book that causes deep thought. I found myself reading a section, putting the book aside and reflecting upon that section for a while.

One section, particularly, stood out to me and has had me thinking on it since I read it.

"When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back. (Exodus 33:22-23).

Is that it? When it gets dark, it's only because God has tucked me in a cleft of the rock and covered me, protected, with His hand? In the pitch, I feel like I'm falling, sense the bridge giving way, God long absent. In the dark, the bridge and my world shakes, cracking dreams. But maybe this is true reality: It is in the dark that God is passing by. The bridge and our lives shake not because God has abandoned, but the exact opposite: God is passing by. God is in the tremors. Dark is the holiest ground, the glory passing by. In the blackest, God is closest, at work, forging His perfect and right will. Though it is black and we can't see and our world seems to be free-falling and we feel utterly alone, Christ is most present to us, I-beam supporting in earthquake. Then He will remove His hand. Then we will look."
--One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp, page 156

Because My Husband Said So

How's that for a title?!

Jeff brought to my attention that I haven't posted anything on my blog in a while. And then he said that he missed reading what I wrote.

I told him he was sweet and didn't think much more about it.

The truth is I haven't been able to write. There is much inside me that needs processing and, generally speaking, writing is as much about processing as it is about creating. Sometimes what I write makes sense and stands the test of some time. Sometimes it doesn't and I find that by the time I'm ready to hit the publish button, I've come to a whole other conclusion about whatever “it” was.

But the writing hasn't come lately. I long since got over putting something up on the blog just to put something up. I'd much rather it be something worth my time to write and hopefully worth someone's time to read.

Here's the real deal. Death changes life—or maybe more truthfully death changes the living. Being with my granddaddy as he took his last breath on this earth was one of the worst and most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. The actual dying part of death reminded me, again, that we are part of a fallen world. Nothing about his death was “easy”. As my parents, sister, and I watched him leave this world, God ushered him into Heaven. And the thought of that, of what he must be seeing and experiencing, that was beautiful. Being there was exactly where I wanted and needed to be and it changed me in ways that I'm not sure I fully understand yet.

Seeing so many people attend his graveside service touched my heart. Friends, some of whom I hadn't seen in years, played a major part in helping our family honor Granddaddy. They comforted and helped us on that day in ways they may never know.

I also learned through all of this that is very possible for a heart to be in 2 places at once. My family and “family” of friends were here, six hours away from me. They provided a lifeline to me several times during my stay. There were messages, emails, and calls. Simply knowing that I was being prayed for by people who know me so well was a comfort.

So, all of that has been swirling through my brain. And it just never has gotten to a point that I felt was coherent enough to write. It still isn't in a real coherent state but I finally came to the realization that it may never be.

I suppose that's ok.

Litte Reminders

Sometimes, I need a reminder...

"Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear; rather look to them with full hope that, as they arise, God whose you are, will deliver you out of them. He has kept you hitherto--do you but hold fast to His dear hand, and He will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand, He will bear you in His arms...The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations."

--Francis de Sales

"Grant me never to lose sight of
the exceeding sinfulness of sin,
the exceeding righteousness of salvation,
the exceeding glory of Christ,
the exceeding beauty of holiness,
the exceeding wonder of grace."

--Puritan Prayer