Because My Husband Said So

How's that for a title?!

Jeff brought to my attention that I haven't posted anything on my blog in a while. And then he said that he missed reading what I wrote.

I told him he was sweet and didn't think much more about it.

The truth is I haven't been able to write. There is much inside me that needs processing and, generally speaking, writing is as much about processing as it is about creating. Sometimes what I write makes sense and stands the test of some time. Sometimes it doesn't and I find that by the time I'm ready to hit the publish button, I've come to a whole other conclusion about whatever “it” was.

But the writing hasn't come lately. I long since got over putting something up on the blog just to put something up. I'd much rather it be something worth my time to write and hopefully worth someone's time to read.

Here's the real deal. Death changes life—or maybe more truthfully death changes the living. Being with my granddaddy as he took his last breath on this earth was one of the worst and most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. The actual dying part of death reminded me, again, that we are part of a fallen world. Nothing about his death was “easy”. As my parents, sister, and I watched him leave this world, God ushered him into Heaven. And the thought of that, of what he must be seeing and experiencing, that was beautiful. Being there was exactly where I wanted and needed to be and it changed me in ways that I'm not sure I fully understand yet.

Seeing so many people attend his graveside service touched my heart. Friends, some of whom I hadn't seen in years, played a major part in helping our family honor Granddaddy. They comforted and helped us on that day in ways they may never know.

I also learned through all of this that is very possible for a heart to be in 2 places at once. My family and “family” of friends were here, six hours away from me. They provided a lifeline to me several times during my stay. There were messages, emails, and calls. Simply knowing that I was being prayed for by people who know me so well was a comfort.

So, all of that has been swirling through my brain. And it just never has gotten to a point that I felt was coherent enough to write. It still isn't in a real coherent state but I finally came to the realization that it may never be.

I suppose that's ok.